I spent all week at my workstation
Consternation fills my mind
Side-pressed flares were still in fashion
When this PC was designed

This report is due tomorrow
Three weeks' pay is on the line
But this program's not done loading
Since it launched at half past nine

Can't you see I need
Can't you see I need
Far more memory

Just procure for me
More than 8KB
RAM

Got my user name
Got my product number
Gon' give tech support a call (a call)

The hourglass lasts forever
Startup takes all day
This old machine
Is stalling on and on
And on and on and on

Got my thumb drive always with me
Got my wi-fi network card
I see no place where I can dock them
And that makes cloud-sync rather hard

Can't you see I need
Can't you see I need
Connectivity

Just procure for me
Standard USB
Ports

Can't use Skype or AIM
On this piece of lumber
Can't coordinate at all (at all)

The hourglass lasts forever
Reboot takes all day
This old machine
Is stalling on and on
And on and on and on

Can't you see I need
Can't you see I need
Cable or T3

Just procure for me
Decent quality
Web

Want to play a game?
Try to stave off slumber
Watching paint dry on the wall (the wall)

The hourglass lasts forever
Shutdown takes all day
This old machine
Is stalling on and on
And on and on
And on

"Cold Machines" © Alice Cooper
Parody © Aja 2010