Homeville

[:D]

*Moseys in*

*Sets a huge punch bowl filled with glowing green liquid next to the cake, then exits stage left*

*Returns with a tall stack of cups and a large ladle, arranging them around the punch bowl*

*Hand-prints the word "ANTIDOTE" in large block letters on a piece of paper, then tapes it to the bowl*

Well, I think that about covers it...

Who's feeling lucky... er... recklessly hungr... er... ready for some cake?

(Here's wishing Aja a very happy birthday, and many happy returns of the day!)

[Saint Cy]

... Did I hear something in here just now?

Happy birthday Aja! Best wishes!

That's quite an amazing looking cake! Here, I brought some more special tea.

[Aja]

Thank you, guys!

*hugs :D and Cy*

*glances up as the 2021 Shadowcake rends it way through the fabric of time and space*

...

*watches as the cake settles itself demurely onto the newly materialized cake stand*

...

*notes that the cake appears to be subtly expanding and contracting -- and/or rhythmically warping reality around itself -- almost as if breathing*

*furthermore, its candles have a certain sentient twinkle to them as they orient in the direction of any nearby movement*

*also, the frosted eldritch tendrils are still visibly undulating*

...

Um.

I'm sorry, Shadow, but I don't think I can eat this.

It's...

It's just...

TOO CUTE.

*pats the side of the cake, which flails its tendrils and makes a sound like PRRRRGHLFHTAGN*

D'awww.
_________________
"The one concession a sane man will never yield the universe is that of considering it seriously."
~ James Branch Cabell

[Tulsileaf]

Sorry I'm late.

Wishing you a belated Happy Birthday, Aja!

I brought cake.
_________________
Use your powers for gazpacho.
Donate and earn the right to say, "Tulsileaf exists thanks to me!"

[Saint Cy]

Happy birthday Aja! Best wishes for the new year!

[Aja]

Thank you for the great wishes (and cake)! There's a lot of work to do this year, but also a lot to look forward to.

*serves slices of cake to Cy and Tulsi*

*also feeds one to the 2021 Shadowcake*

Who's a good boy~

RLLLYAGHLR*mew*FHTAGN

That's right~
_________________
"The one concession a sane man will never yield the universe is that of considering it seriously."
~ James Branch Cabell

[Shadowstorm]

**From within the depths of last year's birthday cake, amidst the noise loud chewing, growling, and demonic chanting, a familiar voice is heard, as if coming from a radio**

"Ah...hello? Testing, testing...if you're hearing this, then I fear the worst has happened. I really didn't mean to cause the total erosion of the laws of physics, but let me preface this lengthy explanation with the most classic of excuses; "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

You see, from my...uh, voluntary exile here at an unidentifiable point in space and beyond time, I was able to catch a glimpse of...well, what you call the future. and I found out, to my horror, that someone else would beat me to creating a cake for Aja's birthday. A feat that I figured would be impossible in this impossible place, where I could spend the equivalent of centuries on a cake and still send it in on time. So, not wanting to be outdone, I decided to go for quality over punctuality. I labored to create the best birthday cake for her that there ever was, and ever would be.

To my delight...but eventually to my (and everyone else's) horror, I succeeded. The tearing at the fabric of reality should have been a red flag, but I dismissed it as a simple localized distortion of space as with most of my cakes. And when I sent it to the birthday party...my hubris has damned you all. And the efforts to which I have gone to right this unforgivable wrong have all failed. And so, I can only offer my deepest and most heartfelt apologies to you all, the people of the year 2043, and....wait a minute, this is a CHOCOLATE cake...that means...

Uh, false alarm! You can ignore....most of that. Happy belated Birthday 2022 Aja! I hope your day went well, and I hope this year goes well for you too. Sorry about the cake this year, you...MIGHT get it in about 21 years...if you do, bring sprinkles. For the good of the universe."

**The 2021 cake coughs up a shaker of sprinkles, and the radio**
_________________
"Can it be that those in power are on the verge of repeating a senseless and deadly mistake?"~Final Fantasy VI

[Aja]

Thanks for the heads-up, Shadow!

*sets a reminder on Cthuugle Calendar for 2043*

*tucks the sprinkles safely into a pocket dimension*

Hope you're also doing okay there... er... wherever "there" is.

*no response from the radio*

Hmmm...

*tries adjusting the knobs*

*the radio starts playing smooth jazz*

...Nice.
_________________
"The one concession a sane man will never yield the universe is that of considering it seriously."
~ James Branch Cabell

[Shadowstorm]

Ah, it's great to be back! I've forgotten how much I've missed being at a fixed point in time and space. Feels like it was just yesterday when I left.

...or maybe 3 years ago? Six centuries from now..? ...Anyway! Now that I don't have to keep track of chaotic oscillations in regards to the passage of time, I know this cake for Aja will turn out perfect! Why, I'm not sure why I fled beyond the reaches of time and space to begin with...

"FREEZE!"

Wha...?

**Looks around to find himself surrounded by several dozen people wearing party hats....and equipped with tactical gear and shotguns**

...Oh, right. I'm a perpetually wanted individual for the heinous crime of BAKING.

"Baking confectionery abominations that could end the world! Now step away from that kitchen counter!"

Not this again! How did you even find me?

"We just laid in ambush here since you have to deliver the cake to Aja SOMEHOW. Now, give it up! You won't be baking a cake this year!"

Won't be baking a....heh. Haha. Ha! HAHAHAHAHA!

"What?! What's so funny?!"

Won't be baking a cake? You FOOLS!

I'M ALREADY DONE!

"NO! It can't be! We've been here this whole time! You only just set out the ingredients now!"

Oh...? Is that what you think? Well, look again! This bag of flour here?

**With knife in hand, Shadow cuts into the bag of flour...revealing layers of frosting and cake**

"....?!"

And this jug of milk?

**The knife goes in easily, exposing devil's food underneath**

And these eggs!

**Again the knife is brought down. This time though, eggshells crack and splatter, covering the kitchen counter with yolk**

Er, whoops. Those were real. But anyway! Almost everything you see here? CAKE.

"No! Are we too late?! Stop him! Before he reveals that other everyday household items are actually desserts! Simmons! Take him down! Simmons?! Why are you just standing there?!"

Simmons, was it? This person here? Well, this one might have some trouble stopping me. For you see...

**Knife in hand, Shadow approaches the man in tactical gear nearest the counter. All are too paralyzed with terror to move as he is lightly jabbed in the arm. The knife comes out, messy not with flesh and blood, but with icing...**

"He's....he's made a knife that can TURN EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES TO CAKE! ABORT! ABORT THE OPERATION! JUST, JUST RUN!"

**The heavily armed troopers break rank, drop their firearms and flee, heedless of Shadow's ongoing pleas**

Wha..? No, no! I just made these cakes the regular way! Well, somewhat regular... I just ambushed him like a day before, knocked him out, stuffed him in a closet and replaced him with a full size cake replica! I didn't...and they're gone.

**Shrugs, and pulls out what looks to be a wrapped gift box, then places a clean knife beside it**

Happy Birthday Aja! I hope this day and this year go well for you. Please enjoy the confectionery treats! Uh, you might want to give some of the things in the kitchen a poke first before cutting, I may have forgotten which are cake and which are real...
_________________
"Can it be that those in power are on the verge of repeating a senseless and deadly mistake?"~Final Fantasy VI

[Tulsileaf]

Tulsi moseys in, oblivious to the chaos swirling around them as baked goods, law enforcement, pastries, and other party goers engage in what some might call a tavern brawl but others might recognize as that new kind of line dancing trending in the more controversial dimensions. They both start with people trying to poke each other with knives.

Tulsi stops to check their wristwatch.

I seem to be a little early. I don't think anyone will mind if I take a little pre-party shut-eye.

Tulsi plops an ordinary looking cake box on the counter and slides into a booth in the corner. The cake box is white and looks no different than any other box that contains store bought cake. With the notable difference that this one doesn't have a price sticker, so you know it came from somewhere fancy. On the side of the box in printed letters is this:

Another fine product from Shadow Industries.
No timeline too long. To dimension too strange.
Our lawyers require us to state we do not produce baked goods.
MEDIUM CAKE Batch No. A113
May contain: eggs, soy, pixie dust, gluten, dragon bile, MSG, forbidden knowledge that Man was not meant to know, nuts

As Tulsi dozes off the box begins to shift.

In their sleep Tulsi mutters, I brought cake.


_________________
Use your powers for gazpacho.
Donate and earn the right to say, "Tulsileaf exists thanks to me!"